she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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