Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
