i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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