Say something about gay babies.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
