Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
