wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
