Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
