remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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