I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
