my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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