i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
