Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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