I love watching others lives come down to our level.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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