i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
