If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
