The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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