It's like God shit irony all over that family
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
