Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
