Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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