Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
