Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
