That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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