So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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