weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
