Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
