"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
