its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize