I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
