I hope mine doesn't look like that
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
