did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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