so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
