i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize