We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
