I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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