dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
