uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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