Don't make out with my wife yet
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize