there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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