yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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