In the future we'll all be gay
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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