the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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