I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
