she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sober January is a disaster.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
how does that bad decision feel?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
