what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
