Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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