The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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