She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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