Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize