thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
