you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
